What does your love look like?

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Love and respect are what keep relationships thriving. But how do you handle the difficult parts of relationships?

  • Violence isn’t love, so what do you do when you aren’t happy with what your partner or family members are doing? What do you do with frustration, anger and resentment?
  • Abuse isn’t respect, so how do you get your needs met and leave your partner and other family members free to live their lives the way they need to?

These aren’t easy questions, but they are important ones. Violence, abuse and control are never the answer. There is always a better way.

Thinking and caring about how your behaviour affects others is a really good reality check. What is it like to live with you? What does your behaviour feel like on the receiving end? Understanding the effects of your behaviour doesn’t always come easily, but it can help you make sense of what’s happening – and help you decide what needs to be done.

Accountability changes everything

Can you be honest about your own behaviour? Are you willing to face up and admit to your own behaviour, and the effect it has had on others? Can you say that you take others’ needs into account in the way you treat them? Can you be honest with yourself and say you’re happy with yourself – that the way you act is how you really want to be?

In domestic violence, you’ll hear a lot about accountability – this is what it’s about. It’s not comfortable – but it’s an essential ingredient in making a change for the better.

Ask yourself the difficult questions anyway – and don’t settle till you’ve found the answers. There is help available.

Understanding helps

If you’re struggling with seeing your behaviour as domestic violence when other people are telling you it is, perhaps what’s missing is understanding what abuse really is 

… and if you’re struggling with why you are the one who has the DVO, perhaps what will help is understanding what’s my part in this? And being willing to take responsibility for that. Our systems don’t always get it right, but when you’re caught up in anger, resentment and blame, you’ll think everyone but you is in the wrong.  There’s an opportunity in every difficulty – what could happen if you handled a difficult situation really well?

Are you happy with how things have been in your relationships? Use this time as a chance to make some changes for the better.


Some people say “They’re just words” … 

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